Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He did a backflip because drugs
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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