I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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