I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
