Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You are the jesus of drinking
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
