he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
