WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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