I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
