I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
