Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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