Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
So. Much. Porn.
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