he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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