sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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