Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize