think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
