just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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