Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
love makes seman taste better
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize