Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
