Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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