I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
