I heard we made out
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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