it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I feel great
I just peed on a car
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
