i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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