Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You smell like stripper and shame
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize