I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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