I need help removing her.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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