Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
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