You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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