last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
