Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
