If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
