Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
This house was built for laser tag.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
