My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
