apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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