Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize