I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
