I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
zippers are such a cool invention
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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