Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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