It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
