PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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