I just made out with a guy for $7.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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