Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
