i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
