i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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