For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
