I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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