Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
