I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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