I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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