he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
