I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
