So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
