Can Purell be used as lube?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
