I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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