Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
