Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
