just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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