just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
