Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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