Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
