Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I haven't been this sober since birth.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
