I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I can text with my tongue
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize