batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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